do the math

When your income is 2000 a month maybe and market rentals are 1000 minimum plus do the math. 700-300 for base bills leaves you air virtually. 100 per week is ok if no emergencies coats boots transport etc is required. Barely even then.  ...

ask for anything more?

if i honestly do not get the subsidy so i can relocate im on the verge of offing myself this is the closest ive ever been in my life to ending my life. i cannot take the spit in the face this community has given me from the cops not...

has

i feel like absolutely no one cares about me most of the time so this thing with the guy with the knife happened on monday night and i mean that scared the living crap out of me. rightfully so life and death basically virtually and...

nunya

my stomach has been killing me for about two weeks now if it continues, im going to have to go to the hospital or doctors i think it is liver feels awful. i dont drink i dont do any of the things that would lead to liver damage or disease...

starving

morning so i wake up upset go to bed upset seems to be the theme lately had a good day yesterday visiting my mom and working out in the pool at least however, a good day every now and again doesnt compensate for the tonnes of stress ...

more

morning so i have decisions to make and dont know how to make them really six of one half a dozen of another do i give up what i have and risk it gamble it on the table for "more" or is there even really "more" anyways more ha ha...

for real

first i told becky they were getting rid of rebel to get rid of me. no no that isnt true she says you are taking it personally so against my better instinct i trust her word. now she is dodging and weaving giving me a place for fall? ...

chronicles of misfits and disbelievers

so today was for shit the synopsis is as follows walking to housing meeting saadia was supposed to call didnt she did end up making good by talking to me tonight so that is settled; made me quite upset tho go to meeting check in with...

burn out- broken hearted

when people take your passion, and destroy it that is telling you something. life squelches your fire and your desire to make the world a better place by people's small mindedness exclusion and rejections. when a community can take...

well being

feeling very lonely tonight i lost my barn and my horse in one fall swoop. the only thing that kept me motivated to stay on this side of the earth literally especially in this shit hole city it was the highlight of my life my only happy my...

unwanted

morning was thinking about the last scab entry and that is what makes people finally shut down that and everything else yesterday when i was walking, four men laughed at me and harassed me as i merely walked down the street. by the time i...

pick the last scab

and to pick the last scab of the wound a person i am attracted to is dropping the i had a bf cue aka im not gay / bi not into you sometimes i wonder if i am trans because i have often wished i was male a/ for privilege in our...

eight years

was thinking more about the things that have changed in the past eight years megan graduated high school and moved to Ottawa Emily graduated university and got married bought a house and has a teaching job, part time but hey it is an in. ...

can

hey went to feed tonight and twyla was there rubbing all around me im gonna keep trying to get her even on my non feed nights until i get her jen said shed pick her up. i probably could have got her tonight if i had my carrier it is...

comon sun

morning so i am up with the birds putting together my donation for the diabetes pick up truck im sure someone in this building namely dum and dummer or the landlord will remove the bags clearly marked in the front of the building for them ...

accountability

was thinking about becky asking me to call her to discuss whats to discuss? she has already made her decision and he is already gone. nothing more really to say is there if it were a discussion then she would have had it with me before he...

random thoughts

so many thoughts and things to write about and the days roll in and out and i dont write anymore.... just trying to recover i find. so, things to talk about.... on thursday when i was having such a hard day; first day of riding being over for...

call back

hi so i did get a call back for the job! I have orientation on the long weekend, but o well. ill take it. I hope they are ok with me only doing 2 days a week tho to start. max of 3 period. the start time is ghastly according to the...

optional

so completely and utterly suicidal and you the know the truth is absolutely no one gives a shit in fact i live in a society where they dare you to off yourself good riddance to old garbage in their opinions. you offer us nothing...

breaking point

sitting here crying i am telling you seriously i am nearing my breaking point. literally i cannot stand to be in this community another minute. and no one i mean no one cares my suffering validates it even they will not stop...

are

feeling completely aggravated tonight my energy is raw and im feeling sick and tired of people being on my case so to speak. im pissed off about my landlord always targeting me for no reason other than hes an asshole im sick of the passive...

on the wind

the morning air is melancholy and the sun reminds me of the life and joy that surrounds me outside it looks like i wont be working there i had my interview on friday, and havent heard from them since. he told me that they would let me...

in your blindness

everytime you love you lose. its true. every time you allow yourself to become connected to someone or something or some place you end up hurt. every single time through loss. whether that is death or loss. so whats the point? ...

if only

and at the end of the week or the beginning depending on your perspective i sit in quiet reflection of the week past and contemplate the week ahead of me assumably we are funny creatures us human beings we long for and grieve that...