nine lives?

wrote this huge excellently written entry last night and the computer popped off and gobbled it up entirely grrrrrrrr this will be brief. so i woke up yesterday and took a look at the news. there was a hold up at the shoppers drug mart...

truly interested

well this weekend has been for shit and this week too for that matter the new year is identical to the last. so all day long i waited to speak with Tami. I tried to call her a few times and she never took up the phone. when she finally did...

sink hole

hey so the new year after my birthday starts out much the same as my old year or last year sadly enough i went back to therapeutic riding yesterday and i just dont know if i should bother. it upsets me more than it does anything. so i...

happy birthday to me september 13 :)

Ive been thinking a lot about Wayne lately. I wonder if he is alive even i havent talked to him since vancouver and that was what at least o almost twenty years ago! wow shaking my head i would have married him literally he was my best...

sunny day

ive prayed like crazy that hurricane irma would downgrade before it made landfall and it did and has since downgraded even more St. Anthony you rock! I have been enormously dizzy lately scaring myself with it i think yoga is trying...

judgment

bad day trying to wind down so i can sleep went to yoga teacher was an ass. felt dizzy even in her class she laughs at me and mocks me what else is new of everyone that has dealings with me in this town.   walked home from there ...

a reason to think otherwise

wow i hate i mean absolutely detest the end of summer the daylight minimizes the darkness starts to set in the leaves start to lose their green and their life cycle for their season starts to come to an end. i literally detest it it...

silence

There is always some truth behind "just kidding" a little emotion, behind "i dont care" a little pain behind "it's ok" a little "i need you" behind, "leave me alone" and a lot of words behind the silence.    

ask for anything more?

if i honestly do not get the subsidy so i can relocate im on the verge of offing myself this is the closest ive ever been in my life to ending my life. i cannot take the spit in the face this community has given me from the cops not...

has

i feel like absolutely no one cares about me most of the time so this thing with the guy with the knife happened on monday night and i mean that scared the living crap out of me. rightfully so life and death basically virtually and...

nunya

my stomach has been killing me for about two weeks now if it continues, im going to have to go to the hospital or doctors i think it is liver feels awful. i dont drink i dont do any of the things that would lead to liver damage or disease...

starving

morning so i wake up upset go to bed upset seems to be the theme lately had a good day yesterday visiting my mom and working out in the pool at least however, a good day every now and again doesnt compensate for the tonnes of stress ...

more

morning so i have decisions to make and dont know how to make them really six of one half a dozen of another do i give up what i have and risk it gamble it on the table for "more" or is there even really "more" anyways more ha ha...

for real

first i told becky they were getting rid of rebel to get rid of me. no no that isnt true she says you are taking it personally so against my better instinct i trust her word. now she is dodging and weaving giving me a place for fall? ...

chronicles of misfits and disbelievers

so today was for shit the synopsis is as follows walking to housing meeting saadia was supposed to call didnt she did end up making good by talking to me tonight so that is settled; made me quite upset tho go to meeting check in with...

burn out- broken hearted

when people take your passion, and destroy it that is telling you something. life squelches your fire and your desire to make the world a better place by people's small mindedness exclusion and rejections. when a community can take...

well being

feeling very lonely tonight i lost my barn and my horse in one fall swoop. the only thing that kept me motivated to stay on this side of the earth literally especially in this shit hole city it was the highlight of my life my only happy my...

unwanted

morning was thinking about the last scab entry and that is what makes people finally shut down that and everything else yesterday when i was walking, four men laughed at me and harassed me as i merely walked down the street. by the time i...

pick the last scab

and to pick the last scab of the wound a person i am attracted to is dropping the i had a bf cue aka im not gay / bi not into you sometimes i wonder if i am trans because i have often wished i was male a/ for privilege in our...

eight years

was thinking more about the things that have changed in the past eight years megan graduated high school and moved to Ottawa Emily graduated university and got married bought a house and has a teaching job, part time but hey it is an in. ...

can

hey went to feed tonight and twyla was there rubbing all around me im gonna keep trying to get her even on my non feed nights until i get her jen said shed pick her up. i probably could have got her tonight if i had my carrier it is...

comon sun

morning so i am up with the birds putting together my donation for the diabetes pick up truck im sure someone in this building namely dum and dummer or the landlord will remove the bags clearly marked in the front of the building for them ...

accountability

was thinking about becky asking me to call her to discuss whats to discuss? she has already made her decision and he is already gone. nothing more really to say is there if it were a discussion then she would have had it with me before he...