water

good lord my body is just kiling me. i was wondering if you arent taking in enough oxygen, if it can increase lactic acid build up... seems to make sense in theory. So im pissing time away before i go to bed... im looking over school websites and job...

why should i stay around?

I made it thru my shift. and that barely. I wanted to dart so badly. I didnt do very well; didnt collect much money. It was like i was present but i wasnt really there. I couldnt have cared less. The only reason i went at all was because of Simeon....

wrung out dish rag

i feel like a wrung out dish rag... heap of crap blechy blah..... i coughed more today at the gym then i did in the past three days. :( i could  hardly keep my breath. I fell asleep this afternoon and i feel so weak, and run down.... not normal. It is...

sad but true

I went to the walk in clinic against my preference.... but sicker then hell.... I have bronchial pneumonia! Who the hell would have thought that! He sent me for a chest xray too and said that if the oral suspension doesnt clean it up they might have...

the battle field is in the mind

~morning~ so pooped today.... i dont wanna... oof. tired and my stomach hurts and i feel kind of sick to my stomach too. Hey at least the rain stopped right? I dont really have time to write about things right now but i wanted to post this up let...

sound sleep

~I dreamed that i met mary spencers parents, and they were disapproving of me. Thought she was too good to be my friend, and were outright about their opinions... sort of like how my ex bfs white mom was in regards to meeting me. It felt so real....

sink like a stone

wow... very bizarre night. anywho... the humane society has a section on their web page where they talk about the news at the shelter... they didnt even mention my donation or contribution to the bake sale. They acknowledge the two kids that did it...

with their yech

~Just got home a bit ago.... was a long day. Sometimes people shock me still, with their nastiness. People constantly subordinate me- make me second to them. It is very sickening. And then if i self advocate, regardless of how appropriately, it is...

ten heads

morning... lately, i get up i take my shower, tend to my kitties, eat breakfast, clean up, and promptly want to go back to bed. lol I dont want to do anything lately. Soooooooooo freakn tired.  and my tummy has been hurting me. They called...

food- and for thought!

what a difference a decent computer makes! The colors on the screen even look different then mine.... lol Im at my moms and mom is cooking dinner. He is trying to stave off dinner, mister control freak for no real reason other then because. He is very...

"poop"ed

Hey... It seems to feel better when im moving. When i sit down for any period of time, the pain comes back. If i continue to move, it eases up.... but eventually you become tired obviously.... this is getting to the point of unbearable. I feel like...

role models and doubled over...

If this stomach keeps up with it im gonna have to go into the hospital... nothing is offering me  relief.  I was talking with someone about all the kids i worked with back in the day.. .how it feels good to have influence and feel like you helped...

out with the old and in with the new

my stomach hurts so badly today... it is all poofed up too. crampy and miserably sore. ugh. Joel Osteen says that you shouldnt fight agaisnt a closed door, or rejection; that God is orchestrating your life.... their rejection will lead you to your...

Gold for Canada

mary spencer won gold in the 75kg division for women's boxing at the pan am games for Canada!!  This is the first time that women have been "allowed" to box in these games! woo hooooo way to go Mary! Next is Mandy Bujold, and then onto the Olympics...

disappointment

i must admit im feeling pretty disappointed today. It is a real let down when things are not what you hoped t hem to be, or people etc.  I went around to check out a new fitness place today.... and i was pretty let down by what i found. They dont...

giving thanks

ive written about three times and the computer keeps blowing up... ? lol only me.  So at least im reaping the therapeutic effects of purging although none of it is being documented. shrug So im off to the gym this am. Supposed to be working my mom...

leaving here

total waste of time.... she was actually offensive with me herself around my gender expression and my age and my circumstances. Yet another counsellor to make a complaint about. Im very disappointed and exhausted. I am starting to pack tonight....

why

Savoy I miss you. I wish you could have and would have been a friend to me; a place where i could have found the support i so desperately need. No im not perfect. Never claimed to be. but i didnt hit anyone and i didnt make "animal sounds" and...

spirit of love

hey folks... tummy is kind of sick today. I did manage to get to the gym eventually and did my workout... cant wait until i get to do some fitness classes again as in cardio. so sick of repetitive cardio borrrrrrrrring. Im looking at the website right...

achilles heel

~My achilles tendon is just killing me; those running shoes are going promptly in the garbargio.... ugh only me i swear. and my new ones rub on my feet and give me bloody blisters etc. I have bunyons from dancing; my feet are a big wrangled mess...

spirit whispers

did i ever mention that my mom is totally annoying? ugh She blames me for that which others do to me.... she pulls away from me when i am having a hard time or when others are mistreating me or treating me unfairly; and in so doing communicates...

one season

I was thinking about it on the way up to Toronto...many things only live for one season in the summer. Flowers, the specific leaves on the trees we see are only there for one round, butterflies, certain birds etc etc. bees....It is really phenomenal...

guess who? after three days

oooo the cat came back the very next day the cat came back they thought he was a goner but the cat came back he just couldnt stay awayyyyy! MEOWWWW lol ; )

what you choose to see

Stomach is still hurting me so bad oof. shaking my head. I had a fairly non eventful work out at the gym which is preferred- obviously.  Tomorrow i have two appointments; one with my new  counsellor and to find out about their GLBT groups they just...

love me

I kind of miss Toronto tonight.... i miss fall up there. It is very beautiful especially compared to here. I miss the Canadian feel the more northern feel up there... funny i feel heavy hearted, and miss my old  home and my walks through...