a day in the life of

neighbors:   balding and menopausal.   arguing as i leave for my walk.   coming back from my walk entering through the back courtyard baldo is groping menopausal's boobs and they are tanked and barbecuing in the back.   wait...

tethered

I also dont feel like becky puts much thought into what she does or doesnt do with me and that again has to do with me not being considered 'viable' or count worthy they consider the kids a possible cause where they consider me a lost cause ...

time

i am just so depressed these days so disproportionate to my normal depressed self most of the time. dunno specifically what or why other than a lot of reasons. went to therapeutic riding today and becky was acting funny with me i...

roughian

dentist today frozen ass face went to my new fitness class walked in and SHE is there. here i am all drooly and vulnerble. went anyways. ended up doing three and a half hours of work out came home knocked out went for a walk ...

always.

Time is always without exception, a merciless cruel and inevitable, thief. ALWAYS.  

rude dude

omg im spent i exercised like six hours today on my final walk around the block to go grab my water jug i practically passed out. literally. i came home and made myself eat more. my blood sugar was whack that and my adrenals were...

wow

so sad what happened to stevie he was my nephews friend they hung out together in the subdivision very best friends with my cousins kid mitchell. so sad im sure if he was doing this that my cousins kid and my nephew have done it too ...

forgotten

the sun makes me think of her. the sun makes me sad. weird. ive had almost no appetite the last few days. sad. when i am super sad is when im not hungry not even tempted by goodies. that is not normal for me. i was that sad...

free as a bird

sometimes at night i exhaust myself before bed just so i can sleep at all. i dont know why im so fat i hardly eat anything and i exercise like a tank ? dont get it i miss esmeralda all the time when i look at a picture of her and...

unaccountable.

people genuinely take for granted their ability to connect with other people. when you have ptsd it intensely and directly impacts your overall comfortability and consistency with people. making it super hard if not impossible to form and...

odd man out

hey probably not the timeliest of posts as i am eyeballing the outdoors from my window ( of course looking over Amata's back!) thinking of going for one more jaunt around the block. Feeling kind of sad today. Yesterday went off ok, i was...

invisible or bullied.

ironic as it may seem since my last entry i find that i am either bullied or abandoned/invisible not on anyone's radar at all. there is rarely anything in the inbetween. i feel so invisible and non existent these days I thnk that tami...

leave me alone

feeling so tired and depressed the weather is nice tho gonna go for a walk in a bit. grab another bottle of water maybe so they havent given me the outcome of my hearing and it is literally drilling a nervous hole into my stomach. i...

upchuck

just threw up dunno if my step dad put something in the food my mom just gave me or if the second hand smoke from my nasty inconsiderate neighbor just made me chuck in any case. i just chucked. and i have such a bad headache and im...

my day so far

so my day something like this already go to the gym to work out smells like enough to knock a small horse over dead. refinished the floors in the studio and im telling you i am so sensitive to smells that it is enough to make me vomit...

crisis line hotel dieu

o and i called the crisis line in windsor? and they refused to talk me. she says what do you want donna quote unquote and i said o i see so other people can call this line unless your name is donna and i hung up.

leaving out

o btw my brother called while i was at my moms and she takes the call and is following me around the house so i could hear i left the room immediately and she deliberately followed me so i would hear. i finally locked myself in the...

bullshit.

im so freakn furious i could explode. i went to moms to work her out and her and him ambushed me harassing me about nino again. they are calling me a liar saying they were going to come to my house and look at my emails on my face book ...

ignorance

I so just dont want to do anything today. seriously i have my meeting with the insurance guy this afternoon. i have dishes to do. cleaned up all my cat areas first thing this morning. im cleaned and paid for and ready to go to the gym...

wowsa

i actually dream about someone that is an idiot but i love them in my dream like make love to them how does that make sense? i cant stand their personality and they get on my last nerve in real life. north and south doesnt...

Done

Ill put it to you this way and literally for real im not just talking this time. If i do not have a result in my favor? I am killing myself. the decision has been made. I cannot stand this nothingness this prejudice hellish...

present

morning feeling so sad this morning when i put on the radio it was playing Rick Astley Val Cosens who was one of my very best friends back in the day used to just love that dude and his music. She died at 30. She was one of the...

least you can do

    Last night i dreamed of Ezzy   My nephew is starting university in the fall and i guess it must be in my subconscious thoughts   anyways, it was a group of college/ university kids   and they were having like a frat party...