chronic fatigue

hey so tired these days dunno why exactly i have a requisition to go get my blood work done but i really have no interest in having to go back to the dr that gave it to me. I have appointments this month i need to get straight on my calendar...

dead

I am so miserable and depressed these days way out of sorts nothing feels good im not interested in or inspired or happy by anything anymore i just want out of windsor. period. no one likes me and it is hurtful to feel and experience on a...

or whatever

wrote this entire entry and the computer ate it. thanks great day rolling my eyes. feeling pretty stone depressed today some days are heavy even when the sun shines. i am however thankful for the sun. so the lady called me to talk...

news

Tried a lorazepam yesterday as I had pitched a fit in Walmart embarrassing myself and my mom and step dad. I've been so escalated lately and just amped. So I came home and tried one Never again I have felt grosse for over 24 hours now ...

crates

my landlord texted that they are going to be crashing in doing construction on tuesday and or wednesday soooo im going to have to buy a crate from walmart dog crate? to safely contain my cats while they are going in and out. ugh carry...

spirits at sunrise

morning did a distance run yesterday and my back body is hurting me more this morning than anything other.  I often do the interval running HIT but i decided yesterday to try my hand at my distance running since i havent done that in a while mainly...

huggy nuggy

evening taking the time to write these days is rare and sacred. So i deleted my social media accounts; i kind of figure, if people cant be bothered to be in my life for real, then why give them a spectacle with all my personal information and...

bigtop

so aggravated and worked up this is what "counselling" does? there are no services worth shit in this community the only thing that works is my horse back riding and my animals other than that i hate these bitches that are supposed to be...

hurts the most.

ok this blue monday thing is finally setting in over here this rain is enough to make you feel claustrophobic and the little assholes walking home behind me harassing me all the way home; my adrenaline in my ear lobes scared out of my mind three...

......

OMG went to a boxfit class yesterday and last sunday.  my body is in a state of shock.  good shock but shock none the less. any whooo so i havent written in a long while mainly because i have had so much swirling in my head that it is hard for...

i have it!

  to be continued             family doctor gave me a script for ativan basically did you know you can use this drug to kill yourself? duly noted. !!  

real or true.

everyday before bed my anxiety goes berserk and i cant sleep the depth of the hurt from the injustices that have been done to me etch so deep that there are not words to express how pained and harmed ive been by the accumulative affect...

Lord knows ive wanted to.

The injustice of my father never being brought to justice over the things he's done to me and my sister and my family in general will be the death of me. During the daytime i find im ok but at night my demons seep in and the thick of it is this...

heard? finally?

my chest is STILL killing me big time. no exaggeration i feel like a constant pressure on it and im unable to eat as i am hungry because it is like my stomach and chest doesnt have enough room for i havent thrown up today tho yesterday as...

off the hook

If it is true, that one can die from a broken heart, I feel that im honestly standing on the edge of that. My stomach and chest have been hurting me so badly for the last two days; i cannot sleep for the pain, and i literally cannot keep anything...

real deal

so i called the crisis line today wasnt doing well at all having a very bad day with my counselling being suspended for three weeks. puts me in a bad unsupported spot so i call the distress line in windsor and they refuse to speak to me....

invisible.

morning im starting to wonder if george michael wasnt tortured by his government like literally. in his last interview he was so skeletal and breathless etc said hed been "gone" or "in" for five weeks alluding to hospital but with his death...

move on

i find i cant stand it there are certain people i wish i could go to for support and advice and friendship and i cant because of circumstances position or status. whatever doesnt ease the ache of wanting to go to them. and it...

wander lust

I am such a gypsy at spirit honest to god I am probably more "well" settled, but i long for travel, and "new" endlessly If im not learning something new, or trying something new, or challenged in some way intellectually and spiritually,...

Meme's

Have you ever longed for someone that doesnt even know you are alive and even still would not see you as viable or subordinate you in their world view? I feel that way tonight as i head to bed.... lonesome on christmas eve. I miss...

cried

Getting ready to feed the beasts outside i feel like i have a food hang over the grossest thing ever yech went and saw mom today and we exchanged presents. then i got a text from my sister saying she wants to see me tomorrow on christmas...

jack frost, and messed about

hey tried to join this free facebook page offered shit and then also bought some gifts from people and all they do is jack you around. so took myself right out of the group not worth the hassle. went to moms and did my laundry im...

sling

my mom keeps yelling at me to put on my sling well i cant wear it; what if i fall then i have nothing to catch myself with especially outside. she is so funny she is going to show me how to put it on today im doing my laundry over there...

mad christmas dancing

morning I was supposed to meet some woman this morning for my special gift for my niece and she is messing about... then again i asked her for two more pieces she has to make. so we are meeting later on tonight i cant wait; i hope the...

Lucky

hey tired not gonna say much 2nd degree acromioclavicular separation. plain english shoulder separation the acromioclavicular ligament? totally severed grades 1-6 grades 5-6= surgery. i have a sling. but frankly? being single...