passing out

i came home from working out and i was so run down i was too tired to really eat properly i fell asleep almost right away and slept until about 630 i got up and took my laundry down got that done anyways on the way back i literally...

humid

hey so weirdos been at the gym twice in a row when im there and yesterday even after being told to play nice in the sandbox by management and keep her distance she was proximal to me the entire time following me no word of a lie. ...

cant even talk

i feel so uncomfortable i dont know what to do with myself literally i am so sick there are no words. i cant sleep i cant rest i cant move i cant eat i cant ugh im like a man baby with a cold but it is more than a cold. all...

run down

I am feeling so sick. and run down i slept this morning until 945 that is a world record for me im typically out of that bed by 7 latest 8 i woke  up around 6 fed the cats and took a piss amata started acting up so i chased her around with...

legacy

so tired of being alone and friendless really in this world. i dont know how much more i can take of it i was so hoping that the criminal injuries comp board would have given me what i was asking for and in a lump; that way if i end up taking...

that she was

the sun scoffs at me as it mocks me with its inviting lure the promise of fun and frolic under its glorious embrace the stroke on my face and hair the gentle breeze in the branches as i walk pass even the birds have companionship they...

saddle

morning supervision of a loonatic cat in the window. rolling my eyes at you i have not been able to sleep properly in part due to my mind racing and menopause and partly due to Amata Im too old for this shit; add about ten years to her...

soul

wrote this entire entry on my phone lying in bed all i did was cry last night i think i slept maybe 3 hours total between my heart and Amata < where in everytime i would finally fall asleep shed go tearing across the apartment waking me...

out of this

so exhausted gonna be an early night to bed tonight phew what a fuckn life what a fuckn week shaking my head so i have new neighbors barreling in moving in at 7 o freakn clock at night. two university guys one in teachers college the...

to stand alone.

some work man next door tearing down a wall at 7 in the fuckn morning   now at 920 it is silence across the great divide this landlord is a special kind of douche bag he actually makes no sense he buys an apartment building but wants to...

sunday recap

worst headache on record did a half run for the cats tonight so windy i could hardly press back against it to walk home no word of a lie. i did my boxfit class today and the instructor is so tough; it is awesome torture. lol but my neck...

out again

ive just been sitting here bawling for hours i bawled all the way home from the interview they didnt see me cry but ya i did i was going to go to the gym or for a walk by the water but i went to the pharmacy to get a bottle of iron...

never "good" enough

So i went to my interview today; at least the weather is absolutely beautiful. at least that as they say Needless to say it of course was a dead end people see my crazy ass walk in and that is the end of it they were at least extremely...

waiting

hey feel like im invisible these days so lonely and bored. dunno why exactly why more so than normal but i just feel void. went to the gym this morning to do my boxfit class and the instructor wasnt there; off sick so they did a...

unfounded

  omg this town is so twisted and abusive and mentally torturing all the fuckn time this cop the loon appointed cop that is so unethical in the first fuckn place that they have some woman appointed to me because they assume everything i say...

chronic fatigue

hey so tired these days dunno why exactly i have a requisition to go get my blood work done but i really have no interest in having to go back to the dr that gave it to me. I have appointments this month i need to get straight on my calendar...

dead

I am so miserable and depressed these days way out of sorts nothing feels good im not interested in or inspired or happy by anything anymore i just want out of windsor. period. no one likes me and it is hurtful to feel and experience on a...

or whatever

wrote this entire entry and the computer ate it. thanks great day rolling my eyes. feeling pretty stone depressed today some days are heavy even when the sun shines. i am however thankful for the sun. so the lady called me to talk...

news

Tried a lorazepam yesterday as I had pitched a fit in Walmart embarrassing myself and my mom and step dad. I've been so escalated lately and just amped. So I came home and tried one Never again I have felt grosse for over 24 hours now ...

crates

my landlord texted that they are going to be crashing in doing construction on tuesday and or wednesday soooo im going to have to buy a crate from walmart dog crate? to safely contain my cats while they are going in and out. ugh carry...

spirits at sunrise

morning did a distance run yesterday and my back body is hurting me more this morning than anything other.  I often do the interval running HIT but i decided yesterday to try my hand at my distance running since i havent done that in a while mainly...

huggy nuggy

evening taking the time to write these days is rare and sacred. So i deleted my social media accounts; i kind of figure, if people cant be bothered to be in my life for real, then why give them a spectacle with all my personal information and...

bigtop

so aggravated and worked up this is what "counselling" does? there are no services worth shit in this community the only thing that works is my horse back riding and my animals other than that i hate these bitches that are supposed to be...

hurts the most.

ok this blue monday thing is finally setting in over here this rain is enough to make you feel claustrophobic and the little assholes walking home behind me harassing me all the way home; my adrenaline in my ear lobes scared out of my mind three...