......

OMG went to a boxfit class yesterday and last sunday.  my body is in a state of shock.  good shock but shock none the less. any whooo so i havent written in a long while mainly because i have had so much swirling in my head that it is hard for...

i have it!

  to be continued             family doctor gave me a script for ativan basically did you know you can use this drug to kill yourself? duly noted. !!  

real or true.

everyday before bed my anxiety goes berserk and i cant sleep the depth of the hurt from the injustices that have been done to me etch so deep that there are not words to express how pained and harmed ive been by the accumulative affect...

Lord knows ive wanted to.

The injustice of my father never being brought to justice over the things he's done to me and my sister and my family in general will be the death of me. During the daytime i find im ok but at night my demons seep in and the thick of it is this...

heard? finally?

my chest is STILL killing me big time. no exaggeration i feel like a constant pressure on it and im unable to eat as i am hungry because it is like my stomach and chest doesnt have enough room for i havent thrown up today tho yesterday as...

off the hook

If it is true, that one can die from a broken heart, I feel that im honestly standing on the edge of that. My stomach and chest have been hurting me so badly for the last two days; i cannot sleep for the pain, and i literally cannot keep anything...

real deal

so i called the crisis line today wasnt doing well at all having a very bad day with my counselling being suspended for three weeks. puts me in a bad unsupported spot so i call the distress line in windsor and they refuse to speak to me....

invisible.

morning im starting to wonder if george michael wasnt tortured by his government like literally. in his last interview he was so skeletal and breathless etc said hed been "gone" or "in" for five weeks alluding to hospital but with his death...

move on

i find i cant stand it there are certain people i wish i could go to for support and advice and friendship and i cant because of circumstances position or status. whatever doesnt ease the ache of wanting to go to them. and it...

wander lust

I am such a gypsy at spirit honest to god I am probably more "well" settled, but i long for travel, and "new" endlessly If im not learning something new, or trying something new, or challenged in some way intellectually and spiritually,...

Meme's

Have you ever longed for someone that doesnt even know you are alive and even still would not see you as viable or subordinate you in their world view? I feel that way tonight as i head to bed.... lonesome on christmas eve. I miss...

cried

Getting ready to feed the beasts outside i feel like i have a food hang over the grossest thing ever yech went and saw mom today and we exchanged presents. then i got a text from my sister saying she wants to see me tomorrow on christmas...

jack frost, and messed about

hey tried to join this free facebook page offered shit and then also bought some gifts from people and all they do is jack you around. so took myself right out of the group not worth the hassle. went to moms and did my laundry im...

sling

my mom keeps yelling at me to put on my sling well i cant wear it; what if i fall then i have nothing to catch myself with especially outside. she is so funny she is going to show me how to put it on today im doing my laundry over there...

mad christmas dancing

morning I was supposed to meet some woman this morning for my special gift for my niece and she is messing about... then again i asked her for two more pieces she has to make. so we are meeting later on tonight i cant wait; i hope the...

Lucky

hey tired not gonna say much 2nd degree acromioclavicular separation. plain english shoulder separation the acromioclavicular ligament? totally severed grades 1-6 grades 5-6= surgery. i have a sling. but frankly? being single...

off

Not feeling well these days. going tomorrow for xray for my shoulder, and then to get blood work done. so tired all the time which is not me. i came home grabbed something to eat i went for my walk afterwards for about thirty mins came...

faith

my stomach has been hurting me so badly ive been so tired lately too if it doesnt stop im gonna have to go get my blood work checked. i am in love with my new boarder.... she is smelly and messy but boy does she make me laugh she...

Amata ( what's amata for you??) lol

omg my body has been just killing me lately my right shoulder and back upper have been nagging at me for some time now actually and it is starting to impede my ability to pull weight etc like a trap rotator cuff thing. but omg hurt and ive...

alone most of all.

moms side of the family's party tonight i sat alone christmas i will be alone too. completely i dont even have a gym to go to this will be the first christmas in my life i will be alone. the ironic thing is im sure my molestor alcoholic...

power trippin

tired sore throat last riding lesson today before christmas didnt go as smoothly as i had hoped; but was enjoyable none the less did a lot of independent riding i think it was the furthest i have ridden away from becky ever she acted...

full moon nite

so here i sit aiming for bed. where to begin. sitting in the midst of yet another train wreck with some of the same cars involved mind you from previous occasions but a disaster area none the less. im so tired i dont know where to begin....

in who you are

people discrediting you and not believing you not respecting you enough to do their job or take action to uphold your protection and your justice? their subordinating and devaluing is a form of bullying itself. ridiculing you as their voice...

most of all

My ex gf was in the hospital on Wednesday.  She is literally falling apart.  She has no will to live literally since her mom passed away; she doesnt take proper care of herself, and i told mom just the day or so before she landed in the hospital that...

nervous breakdown on the horizon

so hinging on a nervous breakdown literally too much to say too tired to bother. like a hamster exerting all this energy and making no ground whatsoever. just want the timing of a subsidy to housing up there to come up or a placement geared...