alone

evening so again these fools as windsor normal have refused enough objectivity to do their damn job. this woman from the human rights legal center here in windsor told beth anne that she would attend my mediation with st clair on monday. then...

pumpkin and pneumonia

ok im full blown sick now sore throat and sore ears and running a fever even argh. snotty in the chest scratchy in the throat thank you stupid broad spewing her germs on everyone at the gym and the personal trainer that parked her blowing her...

thats a wrap

feel like im fighting the flu.... thanks to the personal trainer that positioned her announcingly sick client directly beside me on the row machine blowing her nose breath around on exertion thanks for sharing the wealth much appreciated. ...

4 mos

4 months today Ezzy left The world is definitely colder and harder.

pray for me

morning i think the thing that will be the hardest when leaving this unit is it is the last place my esmeralda was with me. all the memories etc. gone. where she shed last the last bits of her dna left behind. breaks my heart. ...

expertise

I could use that criminal injuries money more now than ever lemme tell ya with the increased cost of living and our "income" remaining the same sooner or later it will be people on disability that cannot afford an apartment it used to be...

confused

morning woke up feeling pretty good thats a first in a long time the sun is shining; also a first in a long while. thank god i swear that my one cat Charlotte has SAD too. lol for real no word of a lie. anyways, im supposed to be going...

long and dark nite

phew i miss ezzy like crazy im avoiding going to bed because i do and i also have been crying a lot lately i dont know if it is menopause or if it is just everything but im avoiding going to bed because i know ill cry before sleep again...

wait

sitting here with tears rolling down my face it is dark out and black as night trying to get out the door to go to the gym so mundane go to sleep crying myself to sleep and i wake up crying literally nothing seems to budge. i do all...

must be the cold

well i totally screwed that up this morning i was meant to clean for the humane society and instead i shut my alarm off and rolled back over woke up like over two hours later. wtg see now Esmeralda? would never have let that happen. ...

bad faith

for two days in a row now ive had to listen to the sexist ramblings of stupid windsor men. seriously is it practically the year 2017 or what? Do other women subjected to this as much as they pour it on me or is it because some how my short...

appreciate

Dear Esmeralda I am sorry if i didnt pay you more attention and if you ever felt forgotten in the craziness of my mental illness and the distractions of my mind. We always had our special cuddle time at bedtime; you could reliably count on me...

fun times

so tired tonight i intended on doing my laundry but it will have to wait until tomorrow or monday even. i have enough clean underpants and such to get me through. alls well. lol soooo lonesome. havent talked to my yee ha friend there in...

people wow.

Morning so another week has passed and i spent a week trying to get in touch with people and line things up. at least friday proved to be fruitful to a point; not entirely but to a point. So Becky agreed to continuing to work with me at the...

unsupportive

morning monsoon rains thinking of jumping on my tread for a bit was going to go to the gym was up in time for but the rain was just flooding down it seems to have subsided now in time for the hallowoof event im supposed to be volunteering...

debrief

i should be in bed ive been up since around 430 am this morning went to the gym got there by like 630 i want to say? shrug came home after a three hour workout meh did my laundry meh did another hour walk in the pouring rain meh went...

silver lining

i woke up pretty depressed this morning there is nothing worse than looking up to someone, and them not ending up to be what you had hoped them to be; or worse still, needed them to be. I just had that experience with that cop from my high...

serves em right

this town totally makes me sick seriously im reading the news and they are talking about giving five years to a man that raped an eleven year old and impregnated her. This is some how justice? she is like 15 with a four year old from a...

fair

These people ignoring me wadding me up and throwing me away like im trash and i have no inherent value that im not human with feelings abilities and sensibilities. it is just so heavy on me like i said to you before i swear it is a test...

out out out

missing esmeralda something fierce today ive been trying to line up viewings so i can take a train up and my friend offered to pick me up when he gets off of work and drive me to the locations which was very nice of him and yet no one answers,...

out

go to bed depressed wake up the same way and every minute in between. my neighbors were on a rampage last night deliberately acting the ass until at least two in the morning obviously the cop talked to them and they 'won' im sure that is why...

debilitating anxiety

People do not understand how debilitating anxiety can be.  My anxiety controls my life. Literally.  it is so debilitating that it stops me from being able to do the things i want to do and am good at even. it is the most frustrating thing and...

shadows of the night

you know i was thinking to myself i understand why people off themselves and or become involved in the underground economy. Look at my situation i live on odsp which is maybe 1200 MAX a month. I am so severely impaired, affected, that i cant...

gone forever

I dont think ill ever get over missing my Esmeralda. She was my very best friend.  Imagine, losing your best friend? in human form and how that would feel to you? Now magnify that with my isolation and rejection from my mental illness and...

justly MINE

My body is killing me so badly right now i dont know if it is the constant wetness going on or what but my body is aching me from head to toe. non stop no relief. etc. argh. to say im depressed would be an understatement right now I am...