for that matter

Im so alone all the time and with Esmeralda fading on me, i feel even more alone. even when she is here with me it is like she has left me a long time ago. it breaks my heart. i dont want her to suffer but i also dont want to let her...

strength

so the plan is to treat esmeralda at home until wednesday we have the euthanasia appointment set for that date i had the appointment for yesterday but i just couldnt bring myself to do it. my sister had picked up the antibiotics i had asked...

alienated

I am feeling so alienated these days I am lonely and yet, want to be alone. I dont want to be alone, and yet? Ive alienated myself. it is like i dont really want to be alone, but i am more comfortable there. When i try to reach out...

casting

These supposed counsellors of mine are some of the most disrespectful apathetic pieces of crap ive ever seen in my life.   and that is a mouthful isnt it? i cant even go into it or ill give myself an stroke again. pretty unacceptable...

never trying again.

went to this interview yesterday one of the worst days of my life to record not a good day ill write about it later for now im out. going to give ezzy her meds and do some things that at least im comfortable ( as comfortable as i can...

myself.

And Esmeralda is eating again today!!! :) wooo dee hoo hooooo and grooming herself. i figured why not double up on the antibiotics what have i got to lose if im losing her anyway? so i doubled the dose and look at her come back ...

departure

morning phew we can finally breathe a little bit; the humidity and extreme heat has broke, and it is breathe easy;or at least easier. Finally crawled up on my treadmill today. felt good mom is finally home from the hospital.  They really...

gone

Now my mom is in the hospital. shaking my head and rolling my eyes at you. on saturday when i got there i think the two of them had been arguing youre early she snaps we are cutting the lawn her and i did the back yard and he does the...

but dont care

they were also going out to eat with my nephew but they couldnt include me? it is outrageous how mean he treats me and her too i might add. she sat at the pool and watched me work out she claimed she was too "dizzy" so the entire time she...

Cesare aka Caesar

I feel my time in windsor has ran its course. I feel that it is over and done and it is time for me to move on..... I go to my moms today to work her out and my step dad is heard through the open window " o yayyyy here we gooooo" referencing...

jack around

I feel very sad and alone tonight i dont know why feel like i could talk for hours and never really connect with anybody no one seems to like me and i dont understand why i know im nothing to look at especially not now most of all...

primitive

I just feel annoyed. I hate this media contrived bullshit called fathers day; i find it to be very triggering and very difficult. i have a useless fuck of a biological father that raped me and abused me for 13 + years then i have a step dad...

one reason

getting kind of sleepy so this probably wont be very long nor intelligent. lol anyways, feeling saddened tonight just in general i always feel alone and depressed after i visit my mom my step dad is so rude with me he acts like he is so...

vacation

I kind of feel like staying home today. Wish i could work mom out.  I have Saadia this afternoon, and im supposed to be working mom out tomorrow. Just one of those mornings.... the air is fresh and i feel like a toddler day with my mom. ...

sad but true

i keep hoping that one day i will come on and my brother will have emailed me that he has changed his mind and i can go to my eldest niece's wedding.   it is coming down the pike; almost here and the reality is  that we are running out of...

weakened - not.

i can talk to my friend for a long while and never really feel she hears a word there is no connection she is too immature to talk about anything real. it is annoying and aggravating.   My mom came by when the "potential buyers' that...

spot on

The weather this long weekend has been stellar you couldnt have asked for a better weekend. Overall i didnt suffer with loneliness that badly i walked; A LOT lol the sunshine at least helps to take the edge off. you can go outside at...

character

so yesterday im all braggy i have never ending energy lol all of a sudden at the gym? i hit a wall. hard. i was doing my stuff skipped for a half an hour then went in to do my cables ropes shoulder torque and row then i planned on...

duties

so yesterday at the wild life center.... : ) i fed cotton tail baby bunnies. i got to see her tube feed baby possums; the feed tube was the diameter of a sewing needle if that to put down their wee esophagus. i wouldnt dare try that....

discounts

another thing if society wants true inclusion then start closing the economic privilige gap for example offer a reduced fee for recreation and shows etc if someone is disabled. only makes sense to me they offer discounts for students...

everything.

so sore and so tired all of a sudden. been a long week i saw mom for the first time in three weeks yesterday i guess she wants a mothers day present. lol im wonked. i went to the gym today and just did some cardio because i wanted to go...

only other choice?

The words "foul play" are in themselve offensive committing crimes is hardly "play", and to imply that these acts could be by language is most offensive. So i went and saw Saadia and everytime i do it only serves to make me more sad. i was...

forgive

Melissa offered me comp tickets to see her show this afternoon i havent heard from Tulu that was supposed to be going with. so i have nooooooooo idea i may just go myself. my hip is naggy i did do five days of working out this week. not...

a place

I don't think I'll ever find a single thing I'm good at. Cats and teaching But for both it requires a context And I've always been against the mold Square peg round hole. Will I ever find a place where I fit in and have something to...

food hangover

I ran on my treadmill yesterday and did my free weights and spot work. Walked to see a movie and then walked to moms; i sat on the bench and talked on the phone for about forty minutes in between. it was so nice out. then i had dinner with...