home.

morning hark i think i see the sun? imagine that after that umbrella destroying monsoon mess that was called a day yesterday. awful. literally. ive been watching i wanna dance with somebody by julia doherty this little up and coming ballerina...

outside looking in

I may be pointing out the obvious here, but there are so many legitimate barriers to those of us with limited resources. It is so oppressive and limiting. it is frustrating and literally makes you lose out on potential opportunities to rise and...

quick sands

Often times i feel like i am living in a dream; like my life is not "real". My anxiety being as bad as it is, it is nearly impossible to stay present or enjoy just about anything whatsoever. it is horrible. Your whole life is stolen from ...

even if....

so my sister is having surgery tomorrow and i asked her if she wanted me to come cuz i know me and mom stress her out she tells me not to come. well that feels nice dont it? i guess it is my own fault for asking so youre damned if...

it do to me lol

morning Esmeralda still keeps pulling away from me. She normally stays by my side, and again lately she has been pulling away; not cuddling staying in the other room etc. : ( I have no one in my life but my mom and my cats. and when i...

and it goes on and on....

~ My stomach is killing me again. it had subsided some what.... and then whenever i do anything that bears down; i spot or bleed. dunno what is going on with it but frankly im sick of it. went to moms to work her out today we watched ghost...

nervous energy

morning it is like an igloo in this place this morning yesterday morning too my sister's surgery is on monday and im stressed about it. she is a crabby little judgmental piece of naggy shit lol but she is my sister and i love her. ...

ditto

morning my stomach is still killing me and i am still bleeding like nobody's business. I went to the gym yesterday finally. and i couldnt stand having to check my pants to see for leaks etc. and i couldnt do some of the stuff i normally do...

analogies of my life in things observed....

few things i saw on my sojourns yesterday ~My neighbors son is 17 and is learning disabled has adhd strange kid he is always alone. he either plays with his younger cousins or he is totally alone. I feel for him.  He was swinging on the...

on my knees

I am just ridiculously sad right now i feel like im dead, walking around. like a flat line. still breathing. wow. We are taught to have faith and that is what i have always done one dream snuffed out ive picked myself up and...

beasties

morning i have like two minutes literally to write ezzy girl is waiting on her cookies i have a lot of work to do but i think im going to go to the gym and pull weight anyways. i can do my laundry later so many things are coming down...