do over

I am feeling especially sad today i headed out to go to the gym and found myself turning back to spend the day at home. I did my free weights and will walk on my treadmill or run if i want to im going to go for a walk outside too as hot as...

roid rage

so i go to the gym yesterday and some crazy ass black man starts in on me he's been hassling me for the last three or four times i have gone in he is obviously friends with the piece of shit adam levine there that was shooting his fuck you...

for that matter

Im so alone all the time and with Esmeralda fading on me, i feel even more alone. even when she is here with me it is like she has left me a long time ago. it breaks my heart. i dont want her to suffer but i also dont want to let her...

strength

so the plan is to treat esmeralda at home until wednesday we have the euthanasia appointment set for that date i had the appointment for yesterday but i just couldnt bring myself to do it. my sister had picked up the antibiotics i had asked...

alienated

I am feeling so alienated these days I am lonely and yet, want to be alone. I dont want to be alone, and yet? Ive alienated myself. it is like i dont really want to be alone, but i am more comfortable there. When i try to reach out...

casting

These supposed counsellors of mine are some of the most disrespectful apathetic pieces of crap ive ever seen in my life.   and that is a mouthful isnt it? i cant even go into it or ill give myself an stroke again. pretty unacceptable...

never trying again.

went to this interview yesterday one of the worst days of my life to record not a good day ill write about it later for now im out. going to give ezzy her meds and do some things that at least im comfortable ( as comfortable as i can...

myself.

And Esmeralda is eating again today!!! :) wooo dee hoo hooooo and grooming herself. i figured why not double up on the antibiotics what have i got to lose if im losing her anyway? so i doubled the dose and look at her come back ...

departure

morning phew we can finally breathe a little bit; the humidity and extreme heat has broke, and it is breathe easy;or at least easier. Finally crawled up on my treadmill today. felt good mom is finally home from the hospital.  They really...

gone

Now my mom is in the hospital. shaking my head and rolling my eyes at you. on saturday when i got there i think the two of them had been arguing youre early she snaps we are cutting the lawn her and i did the back yard and he does the...

but dont care

they were also going out to eat with my nephew but they couldnt include me? it is outrageous how mean he treats me and her too i might add. she sat at the pool and watched me work out she claimed she was too "dizzy" so the entire time she...

Cesare aka Caesar

I feel my time in windsor has ran its course. I feel that it is over and done and it is time for me to move on..... I go to my moms today to work her out and my step dad is heard through the open window " o yayyyy here we gooooo" referencing...