unsupportive

morning monsoon rains thinking of jumping on my tread for a bit was going to go to the gym was up in time for but the rain was just flooding down it seems to have subsided now in time for the hallowoof event im supposed to be volunteering...

debrief

i should be in bed ive been up since around 430 am this morning went to the gym got there by like 630 i want to say? shrug came home after a three hour workout meh did my laundry meh did another hour walk in the pouring rain meh went...

silver lining

i woke up pretty depressed this morning there is nothing worse than looking up to someone, and them not ending up to be what you had hoped them to be; or worse still, needed them to be. I just had that experience with that cop from my high...

serves em right

this town totally makes me sick seriously im reading the news and they are talking about giving five years to a man that raped an eleven year old and impregnated her. This is some how justice? she is like 15 with a four year old from a...

fair

These people ignoring me wadding me up and throwing me away like im trash and i have no inherent value that im not human with feelings abilities and sensibilities. it is just so heavy on me like i said to you before i swear it is a test...

out out out

missing esmeralda something fierce today ive been trying to line up viewings so i can take a train up and my friend offered to pick me up when he gets off of work and drive me to the locations which was very nice of him and yet no one answers,...

out

go to bed depressed wake up the same way and every minute in between. my neighbors were on a rampage last night deliberately acting the ass until at least two in the morning obviously the cop talked to them and they 'won' im sure that is why...

debilitating anxiety

People do not understand how debilitating anxiety can be.  My anxiety controls my life. Literally.  it is so debilitating that it stops me from being able to do the things i want to do and am good at even. it is the most frustrating thing and...

shadows of the night

you know i was thinking to myself i understand why people off themselves and or become involved in the underground economy. Look at my situation i live on odsp which is maybe 1200 MAX a month. I am so severely impaired, affected, that i cant...

gone forever

I dont think ill ever get over missing my Esmeralda. She was my very best friend.  Imagine, losing your best friend? in human form and how that would feel to you? Now magnify that with my isolation and rejection from my mental illness and...

justly MINE

My body is killing me so badly right now i dont know if it is the constant wetness going on or what but my body is aching me from head to toe. non stop no relief. etc. argh. to say im depressed would be an understatement right now I am...