breaking point

sitting here crying

i am telling you seriously

i am nearing my breaking point.

literally

i cannot stand to be in this community another minute.

and no one i mean no one

cares my suffering

validates it even

they will not stop until you

off yourself

go postal

or end up hospitalized

i am telling you i cannot do this anymore

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS COMMUNITY.

 

and these fuckers ignore me and will not give me a rental subsidy so i can relocate so i can access service providers elsewhere.

they dont CARE if you off yourself

in fact that has been their end goal anyway.

i dont want a job here i dont want to live here i want OUT

OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT

i want out

they could keep rebel if they wanted to

the thing is they dont think im valuable enough to keep him for

thats the truth

all the time i was riding other mounts

and no one was using him at all

they kept him

now that he is my exclusive program

they are so passive aggressive and mean spirited

now

now?

they have to get rid of him

coincidence

not

they want rid of ME.

and this is their way of accomplishing that.

well soon enough they wont have to try

because i cant keep holding on or bearing this much longer

no words no talk no drama

truth

the woman at the wildlife center standing me up

and being all glib about it

i even offered to come in in the summertime

if she wanted me to

no answer of course

another one that wants rid of the yucky

isnt that the truth?

then i go for a walk and come onto that "healing" summer solstice drumming circle

and the homeless crack hag turned "healer" that runs white feather holisitic center there in windsor

running the circle

that cunt told me i couldnt come to the women's only drumming circle at her center

because i would make the women uncomfortable

i had to come to the co-ed because she has the right in her narrow minded friedness to determine MY gender for me.

she is an abusive bitch

once an addict always an addict

so that was a nice reminder of that shit of windsor

to the university to the college

to the humane society

to housing to the cops

to service providers

to everything ive ever tried to do

they embrace river and she is trans AND INSANE i might add

most obnoxious personality

fits in with theirs i might add birds of a feather they say

but me they pick on.

im done with all of it

im done trying

i dont want to try no more

i want out

thats it

OUT

fuck it

i call the cops yesterday because these kids all fucked up on drugs were getting into a fist fight across the street

and the cunt cop on the phone non emergency couldnt put her coffee down long enough

to listen or validate me

she could hear them in the background

and instead of helping she cops an attitude with me

fuck you bitch

this is why your city is ass backwards and sucks much like you

so when the fucked up kid pulls a weapon

dont say i didnt try to call you.

but if it were a call ABOUT ME theyd be all over that.

with a white jacket.

I WANT OUT.

now.

im done.

all theyve ever want is to get rid of me

and theyve succeeded

people with their glib remarks

why dont you just go then

take your crim injuries and go

um because the monies are precarious

i tried to correct that in the appeal they denied.

so i move and i pay market rent now

and in two years when im reviewed

im refused

and then what

im homeless literally

and with no rental subsidy here or anywhere.

thats well played

you need to have SUSTAINABILITY FOR HOUSING SECURITY.

and jennifer murdoch at the waterloo housing refuses to help me

period.

im not going to move and then not be able to stay

or have it stressful and uncertain

if i had the rental subsidy i could go now and remain at par

with my standard of living basic needs wise

as i have here.

it isnt about wanting a ferrari

it is about being able to sustain myself as i get older.

im telling you if i dont get out

im taking myself out

im damn near my breaking point.

literally this time.

 

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