sitting here crying
i am telling you seriously
i am nearing my breaking point.
i cannot stand to be in this community another minute.
and no one i mean no one
cares my suffering
validates it even
they will not stop until you
or end up hospitalized
i am telling you i cannot do this anymore
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS COMMUNITY.
and these fuckers ignore me and will not give me a rental subsidy so i can relocate so i can access service providers elsewhere.
they dont CARE if you off yourself
in fact that has been their end goal anyway.
i dont want a job here i dont want to live here i want OUT
OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT
i want out
they could keep rebel if they wanted to
the thing is they dont think im valuable enough to keep him for
thats the truth
all the time i was riding other mounts
and no one was using him at all
they kept him
now that he is my exclusive program
they are so passive aggressive and mean spirited
they have to get rid of him
they want rid of ME.
and this is their way of accomplishing that.
well soon enough they wont have to try
because i cant keep holding on or bearing this much longer
no words no talk no drama
the woman at the wildlife center standing me up
and being all glib about it
i even offered to come in in the summertime
if she wanted me to
no answer of course
another one that wants rid of the yucky
isnt that the truth?
then i go for a walk and come onto that "healing" summer solstice drumming circle
and the homeless crack hag turned "healer" that runs white feather holisitic center there in windsor
running the circle
that cunt told me i couldnt come to the women's only drumming circle at her center
because i would make the women uncomfortable
i had to come to the co-ed because she has the right in her narrow minded friedness to determine MY gender for me.
she is an abusive bitch
once an addict always an addict
so that was a nice reminder of that shit of windsor
to the university to the college
to the humane society
to housing to the cops
to service providers
to everything ive ever tried to do
they embrace river and she is trans AND INSANE i might add
most obnoxious personality
fits in with theirs i might add birds of a feather they say
but me they pick on.
im done with all of it
im done trying
i dont want to try no more
i want out
i call the cops yesterday because these kids all fucked up on drugs were getting into a fist fight across the street
and the cunt cop on the phone non emergency couldnt put her coffee down long enough
to listen or validate me
she could hear them in the background
and instead of helping she cops an attitude with me
fuck you bitch
this is why your city is ass backwards and sucks much like you
so when the fucked up kid pulls a weapon
dont say i didnt try to call you.
but if it were a call ABOUT ME theyd be all over that.
with a white jacket.
I WANT OUT.
all theyve ever want is to get rid of me
and theyve succeeded
people with their glib remarks
why dont you just go then
take your crim injuries and go
um because the monies are precarious
i tried to correct that in the appeal they denied.
so i move and i pay market rent now
and in two years when im reviewed
and then what
im homeless literally
and with no rental subsidy here or anywhere.
thats well played
you need to have SUSTAINABILITY FOR HOUSING SECURITY.
and jennifer murdoch at the waterloo housing refuses to help me
im not going to move and then not be able to stay
or have it stressful and uncertain
if i had the rental subsidy i could go now and remain at par
with my standard of living basic needs wise
as i have here.
it isnt about wanting a ferrari
it is about being able to sustain myself as i get older.
im telling you if i dont get out
im taking myself out
im damn near my breaking point.
literally this time.