get me out of here.

ok in a nut shell

literally the encapsulation of my existence.

my body is so sore today i am doing nothing but making my way to my interview.

ill endeavor to walk part way if not the whole way and back

that will be my exercise.

so my mom

omg where do i start with this bitch.

since uncle rick's illness in the hospital

she is jealous of me being kind to anyone because it counters the image she portrays of me

she wanting everyone to dislike or think badly of her own daughter

she is one sick bastard lemme tell ya

always has been abusive

still is.

period.

so she wouldnt tell me what was going on when they pulled the plug kept telling aunt therese not to include me in the info because of my ptsd i couldnt quote handle it

?

no she is just jealous that im close with my aunt. literally

she has literally bitched when aunt therese does shit with me and not her

but my mom tho doesnt want to do anything with me herself.

?

my mom is so fucked in the head literally not being nasty true.

so then she made her comment about rebel and his hives. o id have hives too if i was going to be cremated in two weeks she says

then when i get upset calls me ridiculous and sorry life doesnt come with a script

then on monday i go use the pool

she can never even work out with me anymore

she did that last year too and the year before

avoided me like the plague

feel the love.

so i go to use the pool

alone

of course.

nothing like rejecting your daughter

now that he is retired im nothing

when he worked six days a week she spent three days a week with me on average

and we had fun or at least i did.

now i dont exist

or i get her crumbs

everything we used to do she has replaced him in my spot

and im just thrown in the garbage.

then when i was in the pool she comes home

and ignores me at the gate

i said i could feel jess in the back yard

she mocked me and made fun of me when the door beeped on the fridge and i said what is that?

she says maybe its jessica mocking me

then i left just what she wants.

she is an asshole.

chases me out

then the barn thing o i cant come i have appointments

i asked her three weeks ago to come with

ill try to arrange my appointments so i can go

no sorry cant go

i asked her the night before are you sure you cant come?

i said id really like it if you would.

nope cant

i said what kind of appointments are they anyways? like i thought maybe specialist appointments or something?

nope hair cut and her nails done o yes and her weight loss meeting.

o yes so omni important.

?

hurtful doesnt encapsulate.

then if i talk to her she is always picking an argument

called her yesterday and she was mad at me for being nice to a crippled lady at the barn

o youre nicer to a stranger than your own mom

um kettle black bitch

when i was at her house on monday i was in the back alone like always abandonment

they pulled up and i ran to the gate to say hello happy to have company lonely all the time

she ignores me literally outright and starts talking to her neighbor dan

o hi dan how are you do you have the day off of work you must of been a good boy etc

?

i just slunk away and went and sat on a lawn chair in the back yard.

then she comes to the window come inside while i put the groceries away

so i go in and she is putting the produce in the fridge

i said you have a nice home here i like the pool and backyard etc

i said do you feel jessica around i do that is my step sister who passed away last summer from cancer that she was always jealous of wacko

she chimes up no not really all snot faced

so i shut up

then the doors started beeping from being left open too long and i said what is that i thought it was a text message or something

she mocks me

o its jessica and she starts laughing at me

i left.

that is what she wanted me to do anyways.

i hate her guts. literally i do

she is a huge part of why i want to leave here

because her and my brother and my sister want me gone.

as soon as the pool is open she makes excuses to get rid of me.

like every year.

then she will complain o no one is using the pool blah blah blah

she wont get in it with me

for like two years

nada

since im not anything anymore to look at in a bathing suit basically

since i eat normally again.

she prefers me sick literally

then at least i "look good"

starving myself. that is the love of a mother

you can never be skinny enough she says to me

calls me fat all the time

youre fat peanut butter lips she says to me

quote unquote.

randy at the barn calling me fat too

someone else did too

o well then im fat it is called menopause

i eat properly and work out

if you look at the photo of me and my sister i was always heavier than her anyways

always. i am more solid and athletic looking

nothing wrong with that.

fat is a relative term and just because my sister had crohns and looks emaciated doesnt mean that im fat and what if i was

doesnt take away from my value does it.

then after refusing to come to the barn with me because she had nails and her weight loss meeting and a hair cut appointment she just couldnt move?

she texts me and asks how it was

piss off bitch

again nasty

if you were interested in it youd come

once a fuckn year i ask her to do anything with me

unsupportive bitch

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so it goes like this. uncle rick is dying

and she is mad at me basically for supporting aunt therese

jealous

tells her not to include me in everything or details because of my ptsd i cant handle anything

then she starts ignoring my texts and not answering my calls etc.

then she wouldnt take me to the grave yard to witness the burial so i had no way to the county

complained about bringing me with to the wake tried to convince me not to go at all

just to the funeral.

?

excuse me but feel the family love and support

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

then they are going on about his car being damaged and it was in the shop

he was saying if they call take a message cuz he was leaving for omg ten mins to go to a store lord forbid he omg leave.

and she and he are fighting going back and forth

i chimed up i said why dont you give her your cell number have cell will travel easy peasey

my mom looks at me and says O FUCK OFF.quote.

? unnecessary.

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asked her three weeks ago to to to the barn day with me

really wanted to go with her spend sometime doing stuff i like am proud of.

nope.

wont has appointments she will "try" to move them

then says she "cant"

so i called the night before said can you meet me there even for an hour when your appts are done or something?nope cant i finally asked

what kind of appointments are they anyways thinking they had to be like specialist appointments or something right

weight loss meeting hair cut and nails.

??? theres having your priorities straight

then i had to beg the hospital to give me a ride there.

they did thank god. i did have some fun.

in spite of but it still hurt me badly gutted me like a fish

that my mom wont support me in anything that matters to me

wont miss a fuckn hockey game or whatever for my sisters kids cus he wants to go

but me i can go fuck myself

doesnt care if we work out because she does so with him.

when he was working six days a week

i was good enough to be with because her first choice was occupied

now im just forgot about garbage?

but if he croaked id be expected to be there for her

well that aint how it goes you dont neglect me for him

and then think i have to anything

hows that.

im not putting her as my main beneficiary on my life insurance either.

im done kissing her ass.

she texts me the day after the barn thing what did you do and what did you eat.

?

none of your business cant be with me fuck off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

then she says i wouldnt want to go i like to be with people my own age

like  youre not old daffo? im old

youre older.

she has so many issues.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she tells me to go use the pool on monday they had errands all day

so of course im alone

she cant be bothered to EVER spend time with me or work out

she is just so neglectful and abusive. outright

with him 24/7

sickening.

so they came home and i ran to the gate howdee i said excited for company

she ignores me literally and starts chatting up her neighbor

i went and slunk back into my lawn chair

she calls me inside and was putting the produce in the fridge

i said you have a nice yard i like it i feel jessica my step sister who passed from cancer out there do you?

she gets snotty she was always jealous of jess like he is of me

and says no not at all.

i shut up

then the doors started beeping and i said what is that anyways

and she mockingly says "its jessica" making fun of me.

i left.

again runs me away that is her goal anyways.

she is an ass. literally an ass.

they were trying to get me to pay for his dinner on sunday after the strawberry festival

they were pricks the entire time there

walking away from me the only time they talk to me is to make jabs

him holding up a hunting cap o mike would like that eh

knowing i dont eat meat and i dont like hunting

jab jab jab antagonize and exploit someone's reactivity

this is my family? i get this everywhere from everyone.

then when i called her last night to see about working out at all this week with her

she was jealous of me being kind to a lady at the barn

well you werent there. she wants people to think badly of me

that has been her end goal all her life what kind of mom does that

she is so sick torqued i tell ya literally

she has mental health issues of her OWN.

big time and im not being nasty.

youre kinder to a stranger she says to me

ya well shes kinder to me than you

isnt she

and youre one to talk

talking to your neighbor and ignoring me

if she had one hand and him or i to save

you know who shed sacrifice.

if someone loves you and you say that they are hurting you

you dont have the right to say no im not

if you loved someone youd care that you actually were hurting them and change

she doesnt even love me enough to care that she is  hurting me.

she doesnt

the more i complain about it the more she does it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

then she scapegoats me o you picked a fight at mothers day she says and now fathers day

fuck off he aint my father anyways when i was 21 and asked the bastard to adopt me he refused.

he treats strangers better than me taking her fuckn friends for birthday dinner

and he has NEVER taken me ever.

literally 8 yrs ive been here almost 9

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

then the home front omg

first the birdfeeder stealing and the owner siding with them

then the hot water cut off bullshit from the owner

then him complaining to my housing worker that there were stray cats around the building lol

that was his deflect about the hot water

there in lies shines his prejudiced.  one has nothing to do with the other.

and the stray cats he references are the neighbors two cats he lets indoor outdoor

that he kicks and screams at and doesnt feed.

so i do. they arent strays and even if they were that is irrelevant to the fact you are neglecting a paid contract.

then my phone was cut off mysteriously

isnt that a coincidence.

then them body checking me on the sidewalk two nights ago and him saying i ran into her and trying to get it going

to me walking out my door in the morning yesterday and their friend literally practically pinning me to the building with his car deliberately and rolled down the window calling me a fuckn bitch and i dont even know this man

took a picture of his licence plate and sent it to the cops but we know how that goes

the neighbor even says tell the cops they know youre crazy they wont help you anyways. true story.

then the owner pulled all the bushes out of the front and took my cat shelter out

deliberately harassing me trying to make me upset pissed off and LEAVE.

they have harassed me to leave for months.

the two that own the building need a real job.

fuck off.

fuck him

here i am and im not leaving until i go to my appointment today

all upset thanks to my mom too

she would want to sabotage anything good in my life anyways.

i hate my life

i want out of WINDSOR

how many times do i have to say this

imagine living somewhere where your family and your housing and everyone

makes you feel hated and unwelcomed.

like they dont want you around.

IT HURTS AND KILLS.

i keep begging for a transfer of subsidy or granting of one elsewhere

and they ignore me completely.

ill be calling them again shortly

for all the good it does.

i am so upset i could puke

i need a punching bag for my apartment literally one of those little portable ones that even look like a speed bag

that i can set up in my treadmill room

cuz when i get so upset hurting from her

i need to punch the shit out of something because words and crying are not enough

my mom wants me gone

she wanted me here supposedly manipulating me back to the area

only to dis and neglect me

fuck off

this has been the treatment since ive been here

to my brother telling me to go kill myself do everyone a favor

and my sister the social worker that doesnt want to include me in anything.

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