loss

I miss aunt Therese already

Just as i predicted, she has headed for Alberta with an open ended ticket having her neighbors tend her house and her property.

I predicted that.

i also predict she will eventually sell the house, and relocate to Alberta permanently to be nearer to her kids and most of all grand kids.

There goes one of my only supports. woosh gone.

So you figure this past week:  wake on sunday funeral on monday burial on wednesday

Rebel on Thursday :) my mom being mean about Rebel :(

then the ministry of housing finally answering me on thursday after a month of trying to get their help

o we arent the ministry that does rental subsidies you want the ministry of community and social services.

well theyve been emailed in equal measure as i said before and as if it took the minister of housing a MONTH to let me know? ive been barking up the wrong tree.

fuck off. that is just blaring bullshit

then the minister of community and social services calls me on friday at four pm o hey girlllll no answer on anything ive been asking o what thirty times or more LITERALLY.

Then my friend there of i fly by night disappearing act ghosting people. some "friend" that is.  I might as well be alone because the truth is? i am anyways.

To Twyla being sick as heck and me trying to get someone to help me out with her and the humane society giving me their tude like always.

o weve been there three times

not when ive called sitting with her from 1130 to 1 am literally in the dark on a street corner

and they REFUSED to come

o weve been there so were not coming now.

?

how does that make any sense. take away the guess work im here with her now dum dum.

she was there last night too

and the night before

but i cant wrangle her in a carrier ALONE.

i need someone to HELP

plus im a whimp anymore i used to be super brave and i could grab and wrangle anything

now im really hesitant.  this is what windsor has done to my confidence.

I won the small victory of asking that Rebel be able to finish my program with me.  Becky and most of all Paige fixed it so the lady thats taking him is going to take him the day after im done with him

they better not hurt him and ride him once he is theres

thered be nothing we could do about it too

i wish they would tell me the name of the rescue he is going to so i can monitor him online and that see his big goofy beautiful face at least at a distance and KNOW he is ok.

I would like to leave something in my will for them too if they honestly do take good care of my big good buddy, Rebel.

He is my very best friend. i love him.  a big huge thunderous breathing mass of grounding and calm for me.

i love just to pet him. my hand on that body calms me right down.

breathe in and breathe out.

i love rebel.  He is the best therapist that ive ever had.

to have to realize i only get to see him two more times breaks my heart.

i should get becky to video him some so i have a visual moving memory of him

i want to go to that barn thing for life over fifty lol and no one will go with me

except for Teena who is aunt thereses student that isnt a senior either. lol

saadia was supposed to be seeing if rob would pay for one more trip i dont see why we have rest weeks and those weeks would be calculated in as a ride week twelve weeks is twelve weeks of rides so to speak.

they havent told me yet if i can get there or not.

im not really into having to spend 100 dollars to get there round trip.

and that is just what it costs.

that is why i go there then to wings and i pay the in between the amount odsp gives me is worth literally one round trip a month to out there. woopee. so to budget it out this is what i do.

ya every time i think of not seeing rebel again i literally start crying.

i surely have a lot of loss.

two summers in a row the loss of a best buddy.

and my mom although crude about him being cremated that is my worry too

or that they will mistreat him.

even if i could see his handsome face on the computer on their website.

or get update cards from her to the barn i could see.

that would be good.

and now aunt therese leaving too

like i said i see her leaving for good.

and i dont say i blame her

my old friend dawn is leaving Vancouver after being there for at least a decade.

it made me nostalgic

i remember my time in Vancouver.

i absolutely loved the natural beauty more in north vancouver, the northern interior, and Victoria.

I could live in Victoria really.

I worked with a counsellor there named Kate that did art therapy with me.

she was one of the best therapists ive ever had.

outside of rebel.

I just wished i had more friends and things to look forward to

i could always save my money up living here and take a trip out there

id like to go to winnipeg too and alberta.

two places ive never been yet.

maybe. you never know

just maybe.

ttyl

bye

 

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