man monkey

wow in such a bad mood these last few days

i feel furious and i dont know why exactly

im so sick of the same old same old status quo and nothing ever changes.

for real.

some woman keeps phoning me about a job but when i call her back it is like phone tag.

totally inefficient if someone wants to hire you and the phone is not working

then have the person come IN.

imagine that that is how a job works anyways.

it is so goddamn hot too and my a/c of chris lahoud broke it fame

the hose continously falls out the back of it

when its on so inefficient he broke a brand new $500 unit with no regrets or care or responsibility fresh out of the box.

he should have returned it immediately


now i couldnt even sell this thing

such a fuckn douche bag and it actually works really well if you could get the hose to stay in

but being BROKE it doesnt tend to do that. when the air is pushing through it.

so i met with jen last night to try to catch twyla and her sister brooke was there




and the way her sister looked at me was like wow.

honey i know im a scrub i dont need your disapproving snottier than though looks

not all of us come from a good family where people love and support us and our parents made make good money etc.

i felt like a jew in a nahtzi camp.

it was horrible.

awkward doesnt encapsulate.

i have always been made to feel small because of my birthrite and that is bullshit

i was the first person in my family to go to university not bad for a kid that had lived on her own since 16 to get out of the domestic violence which was our home.

and today? all for not but i digress.

i remember being at the university and thinking whats a girl like me doing in a place like this

all these white bred middle upper class women around me especially in the dance program

if you didnt feel less than let me assure you by their manner and disapproving nose krinkling non verbals you always were reminded that you just dont in their minds, "measure up"

youre not rich enough clean enough perfect enough classy enough etc.

well you are not enough of a human to be real.

hows that.

we are animals and none of it is pretty

im not saying being unclean or whatever.

yes hygiene is good. lmao

but i dont have to categorize myself or look a certain way or act a certain way to be cultured, have class artistry etc.

hey i didnt start dancing until i was sixteen and i was in there in their classes along side of them their equal counter part one of my degrees a dance major.

thats called, talent.

imagine that word.

instead of o PRIVILEGE.


nothing more heart breaking and soul crushing than snobs.

and trut me even around here theres lots of that including melanie coulter

that is why melanie never liked me from the meet

she doesnt like how i look

well i could say the same couldnt i

people are just so judgey and self righteous

needless to say it was too busy the mosque letting out and the restaurant and the street party

twyla didnt come out it was too early too

is jen gonna turn into a pumpkin if she comes later?

get real.

so i went a half an hour later with all the food and water?

and there she was. lmao

i predicted that to jen.

yep sure enough.

so no go again.


poor nugget is hiding in the closet  you would think it would be hottest in there all held up

i dont think im doing my yoga class today

im not really in much of a mood for joining but im falling into the pattern again of not going to my classes.

having that new ass for zumba and a bitch in the corner trying to argue over a fan when you have ptsd is enough to run you out

which is just what they all want to do anyways.

i want out of here

i want new and different

friends and family< which ive always ached for.

heres jen with her sister.  you think my sister would ever help me?

i bought a new window unit a/c and you think i have anyone to install it?

fuck it ill pay bills to do it probably as much as i paid for the wee unit.

it was a really good price 125 for a little tiny window unit

good enough

so i can run it when im not here

and then fight with the GOOD one that works best but fucktard BROKE.

he should have brought it back immediately


i hate people

and im perpetually exhausted.

and the heat? dont help.

i cleaned out my kitchen looks superb gotta get rid of this clutter now that

need a pick up truck.

talk to you later.

have a good day

hope some man monkey doesnt break your a/c and leave it as such.


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