on the wind

the morning air is melancholy and the sun reminds me of the life and joy

that surrounds me


it looks like i wont be working there

i had my interview on friday, and havent heard from them since.

he told me that they would let me know by friday night


that is so weird just as i wrote that sentence

the phone rang of their number!


now im afraid to listen to the message.

i will be available tomorrow.

Today will be my last day of freedom if im now employed.

Holly had asked me to come and see her

that is my ex girlfriend from cleveland

while she is on vacation

so much for that

i havent seen her in forever!

i hope they only have me in two to three days a week

that is what im going to request anyways

before we get deeper into it

two would be plenty to start with.

im glad tho i will have that

without the barn and the wildlife center throughout the summer time.

omg my body is killing me

with adding on my pool workouts and my running again back on track

god this getting old shit is for the birds.

ive really been thinking a lot lately about jessica and ezzy girl

that both passed last summer.

on the 22nd would have been Jess' 41st birthday and that is the day my Rebel leaves me and riding ends etc.

gonna be a hard day.

i gotta meet with my financial advisor today

to go through my life insurance policy

fun times

on my last day of freedom more than likely


im half inclined to skip the gym

but then i dont want to do that if i wont be able to get to it for a while like the only thing on the agenda.

i have been trying to eat more eggs

because they are supposed to be high in protein and amino acids which help in muscle growth and repair

and choline which is supposed to help with weight loss

well if i hated the taste and texture of everything the way i hate eggs, id be skinny just for that reason.



that said i can see a huge difference in the thickness of my hair, and my skin looks better on my face even.

I lost three pounds since last week.

i am exactly the weight i was when i started that boxing program with savoy

ten years ago?

then i lose about six more pounds

and looked emaciated

to other people anyways.

i think the neighbors got rid of their dog Lola

i feel so heart broken for that little dog.

she loved me

i loved her up too everytime i saw her in spite of them

i bought her christmas presents every year

nothing for them


i used to talk to her little face in the window.

she was looking shabby long haired and unkempt

nadine used to love her

kept her hair really well

and loved her you could tell

her eyes were gooky and she was long and untended and uncared for

i feel so sad for that dog. seriously like it is bothering my spirit

i havent seen her outside in like at least two weeks

nor in the window

i hope they didnt sell her to some ass for breeding

because they hadnt spayed her even.

and she was pure bred.

i hope they didnt sell  her to a dog ring

for some drugs.

i wonder if the owner stipulated they couldnt have a dog

thinking he would get rid of them from that apartment with that

and then be able to hike the rent even more.

he is such a douche bag the new owner

he is relentlessly harassing.

he shut my hot water off

then my phone.

then he takes it upon himself to cut down all the bushes in the front

so he can remove my cat shelter

that has sat there for three years.


like so important in the larger scheme of things that need done around here?

fuck off.

such an ass

so then i moved the shelter out of the garbage cue

and put it in the foyer of the building

waiting on moving it

or deciding what to do with it

he says you can put it in the rear of the building.

ya near where i feed birds?

you know in essence he is breaching contract with me

because i contract to live on and use these properties.

he is always targeting my use of

he removed my bird feeder without telling me even

and then moved the second one

then the shelter

he does not have the right to target

one tenant over the others

and yet they can use the premises as they choose and pay for.

but not donna?

like how prejudiced is that.

and  he doesnt have the right to throw my stuff

in the garbage

it is still my property

it is like theft and vandalism

so i had moved it into the foyer

and i had a long while ago complained that the new kids

were leaving the front door unlocked when they exited the front.

he said he'd put a notice up for that

i said im pretty sure there is a notice up

from the previous owners.

anyways yesterday i get up and go out

and he has again removed my shelter from the foyer now

and put it back into the garbage line on the side of the building.



he took it upon himself to rip down the notice on the door that said

lock the door.

this man is such a harassing bully himself.

he wants no one living in his building

he makes no sense.

and he needs a real job.

for real little pasta laden trust fund baby

so sickening.

and then harasses people he discriminates against

so he can piss them off so they blow off

and he can throw them out

or they get sick and tired of what an asshole he is

and they leave themselves.

then he can have a little project like a retired person

to focus on for a month or two

and then he can hike up the rent to 1050 instead of 750.

he is just a mean spirited ass.

and im sick of him constantly touching MY stuff when other people have what they want

where they want

he says to me as per rental agreement you are not allowed to have things in the hallway

i said it wouldnt have been there if you had left it where it had been for three years.

he had nothing to say to that.

except an eviction notice im sure.

he is just a mean one

i pray for him all the time.

i can feel the sadness from them downstairs

they are quieter than normal

i heard him calling her stupid all weekend.

i feel badly for them sometimes.

even tho they are the biggest assholes on the face of the planet most of the time

i pray for them too.

yep i feel sadness on the wind especially in the morning and at dusk too

i feel those i have lost on the wind

i breathe them into my lungs

and i long for them in my heart.

and more loss to come with my Rebel.

hopefully a chance for new growth with a job.

im afraid to listen to the message

i hope Lola is not being mistreated and if she is that someone will notice and step up and help her

i pray for her too.

animals are so vulnerable.

people are often

so cruel and heartless.

i know that too all too well.

anyways best get moving

i dont wanna.

talk to ya later.

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