pick the last scab

and to pick the last scab of the wound

a person i am attracted to

is dropping the i had a bf cue

aka im not gay / bi not into you

sometimes i wonder if i am trans because i have often wished i was male

a/ for privilege in our patriarchal society

and b/ so i could be with people who are straight and im attracted to.

if i were male maybe?

maybe not but more so maybe than never.


so break me more.


i am actually really pissed about rebel at this point

and the whole case scenario

they never wanted me there anyway


some ladies club sponsored fly

fuck off

why not rebel so he could work with me.

im so upset again right now i could barf.

every night when i go to bed

i pray that God will take me

not harshly or through crime etc

but gently in my sleep gone

from this suffering.

my family my community my housing my freakn therapy even


there is only so much someone can take you know

take the thing i love the very most

the only point of "happy" i have whatsoever

and strip me of it

just one more time

take something ive grown attached to and close to

and betray me.

people cannot understand the loss of my Rebel

worse still they can

and they dont care are doing it deliberately to be mean

to someone who is there for help.

im crying.

im going to bed.

fuck this shit.


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