and to pick the last scab of the wound
a person i am attracted to
is dropping the i had a bf cue
aka im not gay / bi not into you
sometimes i wonder if i am trans because i have often wished i was male
a/ for privilege in our patriarchal society
and b/ so i could be with people who are straight and im attracted to.
if i were male maybe?
maybe not but more so maybe than never.
so break me more.
i am actually really pissed about rebel at this point
and the whole case scenario
they never wanted me there anyway
some ladies club sponsored fly
why not rebel so he could work with me.
im so upset again right now i could barf.
every night when i go to bed
i pray that God will take me
not harshly or through crime etc
but gently in my sleep gone
from this suffering.
my family my community my housing my freakn therapy even
there is only so much someone can take you know
take the thing i love the very most
the only point of "happy" i have whatsoever
and strip me of it
just one more time
take something ive grown attached to and close to
and betray me.
people cannot understand the loss of my Rebel
worse still they can
and they dont care are doing it deliberately to be mean
to someone who is there for help.
im going to bed.
fuck this shit.