starving

morning

so i wake up upset go to bed upset

seems to be the theme lately

had a good day yesterday visiting my mom and working out in the pool at least

however, a good day every now and again doesnt compensate for the tonnes of stress

that surrounds me in my home and in my minute by minute life

of void isolation loneliness and suffering.

 

so wednesday night and thursday night both my neighbors have been partying their faces off

again.

they can never sustain normalcy ever

ever.

they are addicts and that is one thing but when they are jeapordizing my safety and holding the entire building hostage that is another.

it stresses me out immensely beyond measure

i feel stressed and frightened by the mere number of people they have allowed entry to the building

let alone the fact they are all fucked up on drugs and booze

then at 2-3 am last night she is blaring the music so loudly it woke me up over my a/c

the night before that the hottest night of the year with everything sealed up for a/c

the neighbors beside me were smoking so much i literally vomitted and my cat did too

no word of exaggeration

the sanded paint dust remains lying in the hallway still

three weeks later exposing me and my animals to lead

ive attempted to clean it up some myself and that is not my responsibility

i do it in small increments because i find it stuffs me up and makes my throat close off

i told the landlord that even texted him that

and he literally lied and said theyd be here three sundays ago to clean it up

yet there it still is.

they are doing all of this to harass me to get me to go

and why

i do nothing to anyone.

insanity

literally insanity

shaking my head

yet the fuckn pricks at the housing in waterloo and hamilton wont do anything for me or take me seriously

how do you deal with that.

for real

so here i am stuck

basically

i dont know if i should still throw caution to the wind and go

and risk homelessness in two years literally

or what

i can relocate from where im at

but if i had known it was going to be a 14 month wait instead of a mother fuckn 3 month wait like they had told me

i would have gone through a year lease some where else by now.

imagine that

wrap your head around that.

the other day when i was at the gym they had this movie on slice

that literally depicted a woman being raped like acting it out

they have taken ellen and the view off etc that i would watch while i did my cardio

instead they have this traumatizing bullshit on

?

ive requested it numerous times and they leave shit on the tvs

mrs taped dick was at the gym again too

i swear this new moon is on fire with wacko shit

I JUST WANT OUT OF HERE

i dont know why people dont take me seriously and listen to my pain.

 

i love my mom

but like i said it doesnt make up for the 98% of the time that i am suffering here in windsor

my basic needs are being met

but im starving otherwise

in toronto i was starving starving and here im starving just in different ways.

i guess no one cares if i starve to death.

obviously.

ill write later gotta get out of here while the coast is clear from assholes.

 

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